I need prayer for help with depression and spiritual attacks resulting from being the live in caretaker for my mother. I was raised in a very abusive home, with sexual abuse from my father for many years and a mother that, was physically abusive at times, showed disdain for me and couldn’t show love or affection. We certainly weren’t raised in a Christian environment! As a result I have a great deal of depression! Anyway due to the death of my brother and sister I am the only one left as the caretaker for my 86 year old mother. The stress is killing me, I have a really bad back, that hurts constantly!
Due to so many bad past memories and resentments(which I seem to be having such a hard time with) I find myself losing my temper and fighting with her way to much nowadays. I lash out at her and say something mean and hateful to her, then feel so bad afterwards and start crying, lately I feel like I’m losing my grip. I try to read my bible each day and be a good Christian but then I fail miserably once again!! I feel like such an “evil” person but she’s driving me crazy and I don’t know what to do!! I feel guilty if I send her to a nursing home but these blowups are also not healthy for me or her. Honestly I resent the fact that I have to wait on her hand and foot and feel my life is being taken from me, once again, and then feel bad and guilty for feeling this way. I don’t know what to do!!
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