I spent most of my early 20s living an outlandish lifestyle. Selfish, shallow, and directionless may be better adjectives. Ultimately I ruined my marriage, put my job in jeopardy, and negatively impacted everyone close to me. I take full responsibility for my actions and their outcomes – but that doesn’t lessen the pain and turmoil I left myself with and in. In the present I am struggling. Financially, absolutely…but emotionally and spiritually even more. As my financial debts grow deeper, initially I felt worse and worse. A gut wrenching discomfort. But as this trend has continued, I have almost become numb to it and THAT is what concerns me the most. My prayers shifted to almost a “Lord I don’t even know what to pray anymore” type of prayer.
I have a plan in place to slowly dig my way out of this hole – I just ask for prayers as I go down that path. Prayers that I stay strong, lean on the Lord, do what’s right and not what’s easiest.
I don’t pray this for myself. Ultimately I pray this for my daughter. I pray that she isn’t negatively impacted by my troubles and that I tuck them aside to love her as best I can at all times.
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