Depression from Past Actions

Christ have mercy. I did wrong to others and it weighs on me like a million pounds. I did terrible things. I tried to rush through something istead of letting it happen. I got angry at my husband for being sick and at life and almost killed him and killed my spirit and relationships around me. I am near suicidal from my depression from what I have done. Help me lift my eyes from my sins and let me live again and help and heal those I have wounded. Christ have mercy on my awfulness and lack of mercy, compassion, ignorance.

I am way, way, way down. My actions have weighted me down into someone/something I am not. I was a monster. My hands and heart were full of bad thoughts, deeds. A nice person, christian does not do these things. They were monstrous. Lord have mercy.