Please let me have an encounter with God and that He would open my heart since I don’t know how to surrender even though I want to. May He see my intent and heal my heart from depression. I’ve struggled with untreatable depression over 20 years now and its only gotten worse and I never got any consolation or comfort despite reading the word and praying. I’m beginnning to feel like all my prayers and tears were in vain and that God never meant to save me. I feel like maybe He made me to hurt me and watch me suffer and then damn me when I couldn’t handle the pressure that no person could withstand especially if God won’t help them. I feel like God utterly rejected all my love for Him. Why would God send me to hell when all I did was love Him and want to do His will and help people? Why did He make me to reject me and hurt me? Why is He so mean to me? Why doesn’t He treat me as kindly as He does everyone else? Why does He heal everyone around me but not me? Why will I go to hell if I kill myself when He never loved me and rejected me no matter what and is going to send me there anyway and never give me any love or grace or mercy? Why does He hurt me? What did I do to make Him so mad?
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