Consistently choosing God over anything else.

by Angel ()

I have ADD, ever since I was a child it has affected me in every aspect of my life. I feel like a failure and only have the mental strength to deal with my family. I am married w/two 4 kids, two are adults. Three of my four think they have ADD and one has a diagnosis. She is 87 lbs.w/eating disorder/unknown health problems. I have no idea how to deal with my own disorder let alone theirs. My youngest daughter is depressed and very angry because of an abusive grandmother and insecurities in relationships. There is much strfe in the family because of it. My oldest son has stepped away from the family to a certain degree and is secretive. I can’t take any medication because my digestive tract won’t allow it, nor can I get any counseling because it’s to expensive. Money has always been a problem. My marriage is comfortable but not satisfying and I don’t feel I can talk to him about my mental state of mind. Friends are there but I am not close enough to express my depressive state, and when I do reach out to someone, they end up abandoning me or they move away. It seems God wants me to want Him more than anything in my life because He has taken everything else away. I have learned to be thankful for what little I have because I know it is for the best. My life is small because that is all I can handle. I don’t have a problem with that. I just need to have a consistently close enough relationship with God to close in those holes that make me feel so alone, and not need to fill them in with something else that will make me forget that ithey are there. I don’t like feeling different but that is who I am. It separates me from others, and God has made me this way for a reason. I just don’t know the reason why and I wish I had a Christian someone to talk to that could physically talk back to me without costing me money I don’t have. Thank you for listening, you and God are all I have right now.

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