I am a person who avoids confrontation at all costs. When I do try to deal with it I am extremely uncomfortable because I am afraid of anger and want to be liked and make people happy. I try to make peace. I am also an empath who feels intensely and experienced love or hate very deeply which causes me to abandon relationships rather than trying to work things out. I then experience hurt very deeply. This pattern is now going into my sixties.
I also was raised in a church that was a very legalistic Baptist church where rules and religion replaced true faith and love. I knew God as the angry God in the OT with the 10 commandments and Christ was used as a way to salvation but not practiced…very pharisetical. As a result, practicing the love of God is extremely difficult and I have a tendency to also abandon my relationship with him due to my sinful patterns. Life with others and God has become incredibly difficult. I do not know how to walk in the love of God and in his mercy and faithfulness. I pray heavily to God, Jesus and Holy Spirit that He will show Himself mightily and breakthrough my spiritual misunderstanding.