by Flossy ()

God I waited on You for 20 years and You never rid me of depression and now I have another issue on top of that because the depression was getting to be too much and i prayed to you for years and nothing nothing happened I got no relief no medication really worked I turned to drugs to make the pain go away because despite seeking you you cared not about me. Now I’m going to be consumed by this depression as soon as i run out of supply because I’m already depressed and withdrawing from this drug induces depression. Not to mention weight gain which I associate with abandonment. I’m at the end of my life basically. I’m out of options. I relied on you before and you abandoned me just like my biological dad did when I was little. How do I know you will deliver me or keep me from falling? I don’t. You never never never never never never never never never never show me any compassion or mercy. You have never never never never never never never never answered any of my prayers to get rid of this depression. You promised. YOU PROMISED! That we wouldn’t be given more than we could handle. I know it also says that YOu can’t lie but You did give me more than I can handle. I’ve tried relying on you but felt nothing which means YOu weren’t there. I can’t handle this. You know it. It isn’t just, what You’re allowing to happen. I was nothing but good to You and other people. I cried and sought you out earnestly in vain. I got nothing. I hate you for denying me everything and never answering me. You aren’t love to me. You’re cruel. I have held back from ending my life since I was 15 and I’m 35 now. Because I care about people and I respect You. This is not right or just!!!!!You lied to me! You said we wouldn’t be given more than we could handle. That’s a lie! You lied to me! Tell me the truth. respond to me. anything. I don’t care please please show yourself show me you care respond respond respond to me I’m at my wit’s end. You aren’t fair. You’re not just or good or merciful or any of that you’re not loving. All I did was try and love you and you heartlessly ignored my cries and tears 20 years in vain you’re heartless God absolutely heartless heartless and cold. You are the definition of cruel and unusual. All you do is hurt me and allow me to be hurt. God you’re heartless and I wanted to love you and I do and all you do is hurt me more and more making me wait you’re saying I don’t matter. You wont even love me enough to admit I never mattered to you.

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