Bad Demons

by Amber ()

I think we have a presence. Sleep paralysis and nightmares and anxiety rule my life. Pray it ends. There are bad spirits in me of lust, fear, anger, addiction. I’ve strayed but now we have a daughter. Don’t let this affect her. Release my home of the enemies grip. My only friend mocks religion. I can’t try to help her anymore without pushing her away. So I’m her friend but bad habits bleed into me. I can’t let the friendship go. She needs me she has no one. She’s been raped, beat, abused since a child. She doesn’t understand why a God would allow this. I don’t either. Nothing seems to push her in the right direction. Weed, profanity, blasphemy, alcohol. Your average sinner just like me. Help her. Her name is Amaris. Help me. Our finances are hurting. We have negative money until another paycheck in 2 weeks. I had to ask people for baby food today. I applied to WIC. I’m awake now from nightmares of a tall skinny ghost maid taunting me. I’m afraid my sleep paralysis is coming back slowly. I’ve felt it try. I have visual and audio hallucinations with these experiences and can not move anything. I can’t even control my breathing. I breathe slow like in a deep sleep because my body is asleep. But I’m awake staring a figure in the face hovering above me. My mind is panicking but I’m breathing so slowly. It’s not natural to not be able to match your breath with your heart rate or emotions. I try to make a sound but I can only barely grunt while my husband sleeps beside me. He never is aware I’m having a paralysis attack until it’s over and I yell and cry finally able to move while everything tingles like electricity. Please don’t let my body enter sleep paralysis again. Last time it was daily for several months. The pregnancy stopped them but that was 8 months ago since I gave birth. I fear death around me and myself. Demons don’t belong here I’m God’s child. I’m not a good one but I’m his. I have hope and faith although tested. I still believe.

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