Before telling you whats wrong, I just want to tell you that i love you with all my heart, and i have and always will have faith in you no matter what.
Please, i hope youre listening to me right now.
So when i met this guy you know who, i always saw him differently than other guys, but i just ignored that. With time, we have grown to be friends, and ever since then, he always has my eyes covered off other people. I dont feel the need to do anything wrong like before with drinking and guys, i felt truly satisfied and happy with him, please let it go back to that. And there was a point where i liked him a month ago, but he liked another girl and only saw me as a friend. Anyways, i ignored that but still wanted him. Fast forward to when me and haneen went out with them. I felt something different with this outing, and after that day we started talking more. Also after that i day i started to pray to you everyday about 5 times a day, that to make him fall in love with me. Everytime i prayed for you to give me a small sign to show me that he is, you did. And those signs were sort off apparent, and never happened before, so i knew it was you. Anyways, one day i prayed for you to give me a big and apparent signs that he does, and you gave me one which i believed is big and apparent. after that he asked me to go out with him, and our friend came along with us although for the first time, he didnt really mind us going out alone which is also i believe is a sign. Anyways we did, and also i prayed for you before i went out that everything goes nice and smooth, and i believed that it did because something happened while we were out between him and our friend. I assumed that he told him he likes someone. Even afterwards, another sign came up, and our friend told me that “he needs to date someone good right?” and i assumed was talking about me. i went home and i thanked you more than ever and i didnt know how to show you that i truly appreciate you, but i did, i promise i did. Then we went out again, and he tried to make himself free to go out with me, when we did, i also prayed for you that it goes very smoothly and refrain from any awkwardness. And so it did, and i prayed for you that when we go home he doesnt lose any interest in me, and he didnt. When he told me the next morning, “i had fun with you yesterday, it was nice” i also felt extreme happiness, and i appreciated you so so so much. i even felt he lost interest a bit, i prayed for you, and you gave me a sign that he did not by making him call me and ask about me since he was busy all day long. But the next day, friday, he was busy and we didnt talk, and the stupid insecure me told him that, you changed, you dont ask about me.” and he told me just because he didnt ask about me for a day it doesnt mean that. Then i went back to talking to him normally, but i felt that something changed, was it my insecurity? anyways, on a saturday, i felt fed up, and wanted things to be cleared to me. So therefore, i talked to kamal, and made it seem like i like someone else, so he told me “aslan thabet beheb wahdeh, ou fee beino ou been wahdeh eshy ou shoofi keef after it rah yebatel yehke ma3ek.”so i found it an opportunity to tell thabet, because its either hes gonna say me or someone else. So he talked about his ex girlfriend which i found that made no sense, because why would he not tell anyone where everyone knows? and kamal said that thabet fee beino ou bein wahdeh eshy, its been a while since he talked or saw alice. Anyways, i still had faith in you because all those signs weren’t for nothing. So i told him, “i like someone but that someone likes someone else.” he replyed by saying, “i really didnt know ou i cant control who i like and my feelings and blabla.” so to save myself from the embarassment, i acted surprised and told him its not him. And it still remains awkward ever since then. He doesnt call me, he doesnt talk to me at night, he doesnt treat me like before, and he doesnt get excited to see me and doesnt start chats. So thats why im more hurt than confused. I mean, all the signs that you gave me, and with everything that happened the past week, was it all for nothing? i dont get it. Or maybe i went wrong with something. maybe because i was insecure and told him on friday that he changed, or maybe its because i told my friends where i shouldve kept stuff between me and you and him. or maybe because i talked to ahmad, or maybe because i talked to kamal, or maybe he’s just shy, but if he is, then why would he reject me when i almost directly told him i like him? I dont get it, im really confused. Maybe he really never did like me and it all was in myhead. But i prayed everyday for you to give me signs, and you did, im sure they where from you. So im trying to eliminate the possibility that he never even liked me, because he did. Or is it because he found out about my past with his brother or friend? or any past? I have sinned, dear god, oh i have sinned and i am very sorry and i do ask for your forgiveness again. But what i really want right now,
Dear god, Please give me another chance with him. Whatever i did wrong, help me through it, and make me less confused, and give me another chance with him. I know its worth it because i do feel myself becoming a better person with him. Dear lord, i ask for your help and support through this. To help him open his heart again. Maybe he never even did, but i believe he did because of you. Please help him open his heart again, and i ask you to give me another chance with him. I really hope youre listening to me right now. I ask you to help me become less confused by making stuff right again, and helping him open his heart again to me by giving me another chance. Im really sorry on whatever i went wrong with , with the stuff that I have listed, im sorry. Please god, give me another chance with him, and i promise i will make it better, just another chance, i beg you.
I love you so much
Thank you for listening to me.